


Clean

by seducing_a_vampire



Series: My Carry on Countdown 2020 [2]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst ish?, Depression mention, M/M, POV Simon Snow, Running, Therapy, but also hopeful, dealing with FEELINGS, exercise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:48:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27728346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seducing_a_vampire/pseuds/seducing_a_vampire
Summary: "Running was my therapist’s idea. She said I should focus on small, concrete ways to find value in my body, to take agency in my own actions, to love myself or some of that shit."
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: My Carry on Countdown 2020 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2027021
Kudos: 14
Collections: Carry On Countdown 2020





	Clean

**Author's Note:**

> Carry On Countdown Day 2: Distance

_ Two miles down _ . 

I let out a huff as I round the corner. I feel the blood pumping through my legs, and my heart is pounding. 

Merlin and Morgana, I’m tired. This running thing is harder than I ever thought it would be. A few years ago, I could go all day just chasing after random creatures and problems that the Mage threw at me. Now, I’m winded after the first few blocks.

My body’s a bit different now, but in a lot of ways I think I’m kinder to this one than I ever was to that teenage boy’s body. 

Running was my therapist’s idea. She said I should focus on small, concrete ways to find value in my body, to take agency in my own actions, to love myself or some of that shit.

Flying is easier than running. It’s faster, too. My wings feel like they’re surging with energy whenever I let them stretch out and soar. Like they were made for flying (which, obviously they were). They get prickly and stiff when it’s been too long since I’ve used them. Flying feels like relief.

_ Two and a half miles down. _

It’s not shit, actually. What my therapist says. It’s been… helpful. She wants me to fly too, but it’s not as practical to do that on a regular basis when you live in London. So, I run. Not every day, but most days. My therapist says that’s okay. She says… perfection is the enemy of progress, or something like that. Baz agrees, even though he’s never really fallen short of perfection in anything his whole life. Although he keeps saying I should stop thinking that. 

We got back from America a few months ago, and the balance of my reality has been a bit shifted ever since. I spent so much time feeling empty after Watford. I still feel like that, sometimes, but I also get little glimpses of being full, or even just glimpses of what it would be like to feel full, when I work at it. It’s a lot of work. But I want to keep going.

I try to take long strides and keep an even pace.  _ Right, left, right, left.  _ Breathe in through the nose, out through the mouth. 

_ Three miles down, and done.  _ I slow to a walk and feel the muscles burning. There’s a cramp in my side, and I swing my arms over my head and bend, trying to stretch it out.

Running feels— good. It feels like—shit, I’m sweating. It feels awful, but it feels clean. 


End file.
